Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Million Dollar Ideas

First idea: the Army should sell advertising. No kidding. Look at the success of the Humvee - directly attributable to the armed forces... well, with the collusion of the media... giving it free advertising. How much was that exposure worth? They shoulda cut a deal.

For those who'd object to slapping a corporate logo on a personnel carrier, I say, make the contract payable in vehicle armor. Then ask the soldiers what they think about it. Of course this could negatively affect marketing efforts in, say, countries that we're invading. (Oops, I meant, "liberating.")

Which brings me to my second idea: license letters of the phonetic alphabet. Walmart Target Ford? you may be asking; but ask yourself this: how much money do you think it would be worth to certain business interests to have a military unit named "Costco Company" or "Amazon Flight"? Or, say, "Martha's Raiders," or "UPS Force."

And then of course there's intellectual property. Let's say, for instance, the Army takes out a patent on the following business plan: collecting huge and unaccounted-for sums of money on the promise of "rebuilding" the "infrastructure," and then failing to deliver. An extremely lucrative business model, low overhead, flexible of execution; and best of all, it's easy to identify infringers. And to enforce proper payment of license fees - the military might of the sole remaining superpower!

It's high time we started running this country like a business. I can't believe these things aren't already in place. Where'd Bush get his MBA, anyway? Some mail order school?


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